There's rosemary, that's for remembrance.
William Shakespeare: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Steve and me...a few pics below

Well, here it is Sunday...again. Funny how that day keeps coming back. Sunday is usually Steve's travel day if he is off on an adventure. The last two weeks Sunday has started on Saturday night. He has had 6 AM flights and he drives down to Spokane 96 miles away the night before so he doesn't have to leave at 3 AM and hit nastier weather.

I miss him horribly. He has been travelling for 18 years. He has a really prestigious job and has "made it" in his profession, but he is worn out and I am so very lonely these is time to stop the merry-go-round. He knows it and for sure I do. I am selfish, I admit it. I want him home, I want some semblance of a normal life what ever that might be....I want to wake up at 2 AM for a potty run and come back and get my feet warmed by him and still have him there in the morning. I'm a cheap date for sure.

We met at the hospital where we were both working in Southern California. I was a staff R.N., he was a staff pharmacist. He worked graveyard, I was working an extra...on graveyard. We had probably passed each other dozens of times in the halls or talked on the phone but never registered with each other. The particular night we connected was one of those nights...under staffed, two R.N.s for 52 patients with one aide to work with each of them. It was 5:30 AM, I was trying to get everything caught up and called the pharmacy for an IV I couldn't find.....we had an interesting conversation...him...The IV should be right isn't and I want it now....him...isn't it running a little fast? worry about getting me the bag, I'll worry about the rate. He brought the IV up to the floor to meet the "5th floor bitch" (his words not mine) that in the end turned out to be IV where it should be....or anywhere else. That was April 17th, 1982.

We were both in messy marriages; he was separated, I was still living with my third husband who was also my 2nd husband....yea, stupid I know. Anyway, we connected and eventually became friends and then after getting divorces on the road, lived together and married in 1985.

Steve is my best friend. He is my confidant, my bud, my homie, pretty much everything to me. As we have gotten older those bonds have just gotten tighter and tighter. Oh for sure, we have had a rocky trip together....we have 7 children between us and not one single one of them came into our relationship happy and well adjusted. I really was a wicked step-mother to three of his four children. Step-mothering was the class I guess I ditched for the movies. Steve on the other hand was pretty much a perfect father and step-father; patient, gave meaningful advice, talked to all of the kids on their level yet with authority and all of them loved and respected him and still do.

We have weathered an ex-spouse hauling us back to court every 6 months for what else...more money, kid troubles from a to z, financial problems from our business failures to the accident 2 years ago. But through it all our friendship and love for each other has kept us solid.

Steve said to me last week that of the few blogs of mine he has read, it seemed as if I portrayed him as "uninvolved and boring." He is not. He has a wonderful sense of humor, is thoughtful, kind, loving, generous and supportive. If I said I wanted a 20 carat diamond ring and he thought it would make me happy, he'd get it. He is the same way with his kids....sometimes to a fault I'm afraid. When he arrived home Friday after being stuck overnight in Chicago, the first thing he said to me was what a wonderful job I had done with the snow throwing....and an hour later he was on the slut taking care of the side I didn't manage at all. He worries about me in general, worries about my health, my mind, my soul and my longevity. I have seen Steve cry 5 times in 25 years....and the last time was when we told each other we didn't know what we would do if we lost the other one.

We have our bad moments.....I have chronicled in pictures and words Steve's hamster cage of an office. He is messy, can barely put his dirty clothes in the hamper, leaves the bathroom a mess after he showers, can't throw anything out and I mean anything, doesn't think to wipe his feet, and worst of all loves winter. I am a control freak, yell, constantly remind him that there are things I want him to do around the house, worry about everything and never miss a chance to tell him how I worry...and so many other faults that it would take me another lifetime to tell you about my failings.....and I hate winter and for a long time hated Idaho and blamed Steve for all things sad about Rosemary. As an excuse I was going through Menopause but it was in pause mode for 5 years I am sorry to say.

But regardless of all of this crap, we love each other and I really don't know what I would do without him. Today I am missing Steve horribly and the 59 kazillion daily phone calls we make to each other just don't cut it anymore. I am old, I selfishly want him here with me. But, until this accident thing that has plunged us into financial hell is over he will continue to work like 5 men and I will continue to feel sorry for myself and have to deal with Sunday...that damn day just keeps coming back.


celerman said...

I can always rely on you Rosemary - thanks for your continued support. Your comments are coming through fine, I just get them by email first and then I publish it. It gives me a bit of control over you know who - deleting the repeated comments was a real pain. Touch wood though, he hasn't commented since, but he does look at the blog, despite what he says, 3 or 4 times a day. I think he's looking to see if I've aken off the restrictions, so for now they stay.

Loved your post about Steve. Very honest and very touching.


Sandy said...

What a love story - isn't it wonderful when you find someone you can go the distance with? And thanks for the info re the PT - do you look after all of us?

jan said...

What a beautiful tribute to a wonderful relationship. He can't say you pictured him as "uninvolved and boring" now.I love the story of how you met too.

Jan from Poodle etc.

JessnBekahsmom said...

Yeah, that was a wonderful tribute. I'm with you. I may complain about the Hubby, but I am madly in love and wouldn't change a thing. Mine is the love of my life. And it will be eight years next month and we keep looking at each other going, "Well, aren't we supposed to start disliking each other or fighting or something? I'm okay, you okay?" "Yeah. Okay." And we just go on loving each other. How cool that you found your special someone to share life with!

Penzo said...

Life's mad like that, Lucky in some ways not in others. Sounds like you got the best of the best bits. The crash thing is just terrible, so unfair. At least here we have a free 'health' service of sorts and the litigation culture is less previlant but there's no shortage of people who don't take responsibility fot their actions like that other driver.
Hope life gets back on track soon.

gina said...

Super great wonderful post, rosemary! See you in the AM.

Stephanie said...

Thank you for visiting my blog...I will be back to finish reading your stuff...seems very interesting.