There's rosemary, that's for remembrance.
William Shakespeare: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark



Tuesday, February 19, 2008

You know sometimes life happens......at the wrong time.

You know how sometimes it is easy to blame it on the snow......

.....or maybe you are just feeling sorry for yourself for all of the usual reasons.....alone, lonely, you didn't talk to a human all day......

.....and then you read someone's blog post and your name is tucked in the folds of the paragraphs.......

.....then you talk to her and you try to explain/figure out/make sense of it.....depending on what it is.....

.....and then you hang up because rather than needing a shower like you said all you really want to do is cry......

.....and you do.....

.....then you start reviewing your life and your meaning in both the small and big picture.....

.....hoping your frame has been sturdy and important and will hang in someone's mind after you are gone......

.....did you leave a print somewhere......anywhere......

.....then regrets start to poke their way into your thinking and.......

.....those chances are done, gone, are as far away as a star and your arm just wouldn't reach.....

.....and you hope that stupid death calculator is oh-so-very-wrong because 79 is too short a distance; just 15 years......why did you do that....

Can you post this? Will you? Will they think you are strange? Weird? Senile? You are......and you think f*** 'em if they can't take a joke....well, except for the part that isn't and no one is laughing.

You know how sometimes that happens?

15 comments:

kenju said...

I know all too well, Rosemary. At least something similar.....LOL

You aren't strange!

Jennie said...

Death calculator Rosemary?? Okay, now I have to agree - the snow is too deep in Idaho! You know, I was just thinking about this the other day when I realized that my dad will be 70 in a few years. And that sounded "old" but he seems young and how must he feel to be near 70, etc. The only things I could come up with were 1) it is important to live every day "to the fullest" (whatever that means when you have laundry and kittie litter and monotonous stuff like that - he thinks it means "golf") and/or 2) remember there is a life after this one. That helps me, to believe there's something bigger than me and my smallness.
Hugs to you and no, you're not weird, just honest and brave.

Ex-Shammickite said...

Forget the Death Calculator.
When your number's up, that's it. No need to anticipate it is there?
Thank you for your lovely comment about my gorgeous new grandson. I think I'm going to have a blast being Nana to such a lovely little boy. It was a long hard climb to get him here. First he was 8 days late then he tried to be born for almost 24 hours and finally arrived with a C-section. But he's gorgeous! Mummy and Daddy are relived that all is well. It's such a wonderful day!

Auld Hat said...

Your life has touched and is touching and will continue to touch more people than you can possibly know. I just love you to bits and bits!

jan said...

auld hat is right. I know my blogging buddy Rosemary from Idaho better than I know some of my real life friends. Or WANT to.

Sandy said...

79? That's an average and you're not average. Re leaving a print - we can't all do something grand like finding a cure for a disease but neither can we all touch lives the way you have by being honest enough, open enough, caring enough. You're leaving prints, Rosemary.

Chris said...

Eek, Rosemary, someone needs a trip to a sunny warm place! I don't know you personally, but I am SURE you have made many imprints! You have in the blogoshere. Sending cyberhugs and California sunshine...

Sling said...

Yeah,.sometimes,it's like that.
According to my death calendar,I'm dead,

jp said...

Everything in my life has happened at the wrong time.

Oh, and according to my death calendar, Sling is dead.

Mom said...

Rosemary, my friend, you have lef a print on my life and I've never even met you.
sounds like you need a bit more sunshine in your life. I am sending sunny days and warm hugs from me to you.

more cowbell said...

You've left prints. I can tell in how you talk about your kids, your friends, your life.

Your "prints" were what got me started reading your blog -- the old pictures from your life, your family's lives, the stories behind the prints and the effect on you.

I don't think you're weird or senile at all. OK, maybe weird, but totally in a good way. I think you wrote what many of feel at times, but then some of us *ahem* kick ourselves and grumble, oh suck it up and drive on, Cowbell, and we just don't write about it, so you never know. You know?

And hell yeah, fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

Violet said...

how the world has changed since we have all begun communicating so much with blogs, webpages, and e-mail... something often gets lost in the translation.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Sounds like the story of my life right now. (((Hugs))

Kimberly Ann said...

You matter to so many people, more than you probably know.

Middle Child said...

Sound as sane as.... the insane ones never ever reflect...not reflecting on oneself and ones life ... on how you effect each other etc etc... now thats insane... you're fine : )