There's rosemary, that's for remembrance.
William Shakespeare: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark

Saturday, December 13, 2008

An explaination and a story of sorts...and pix

I wrote this yesterday/Friday while I was waiting for Steve to drive home in the first severe storm of the season.

I bet many of you think when winter arrives in Idaho....There she goes again. She needs to be on meds.

The song I just posted....sad, melancholy and about absence. Yup, that's how I feel a lot of the time when I am alone. Do I need meds? No, I need my husband and my family.

I became a nurse in the early 70's. I had three children I was trying to raise alone. Yes, they all had father's in their lives, but neither of those men were father material.

Nursing is a 24/7 job. There are extra shifts to be covered, on call to answer, emergencies to take care of before you go home. That will never, ever change.

In order to spend either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day with my children I ALWAYS worked Thanksgiving, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, Easter, 4th of other words every other holiday throughout the year. Didn't make for happy kids and made Christmas every other year sad because I would get Christmas Eve off one year and Christmas off the next.

By the time the kids were grown and doing their own thing around the holidays I was doing Case Management. It was a Monday through Friday job, but there was that pesky on call to deal with. I was the oldest person in the department and the only one without small children at home. Guess who got to take call on the holidays? Me.....and yes, by order of my supervisor.

I quit my job the same month we moved to Idaho. We were alone for those holidays in 1998. It felt strange. There were lots of phone calls that holiday season. After that we tried to be in California for every holiday we could afford. We had lofty plans, but finances had other ideas; and then there was that accident in '05 that changed the rotation of our lives.

Steve is required to travel for both of his jobs. One of his employers always had their yearly conference in January. Thankfully, that changed this year and he attended in July.

I love living in Idaho with Steve. I love the seasons changing. As long as Steve is home, I love winter. I feel safe, know he will manage the snow (because all of you know I can't without falling on my ass or getting beaned by the plow driver) and if I need to go to the market, he will drive. It is a beautiful time of year; a time to rest, eat good food, enjoy family and friends at Thanksgiving and Christmas, sing silly and joyous songs. But here is the catch. All of my children live someplace other than Idaho. In a short statement here is why I am such a whiner in winter: Now that I am retired and have all of the time in the world....time to spend with my children and Steve's children and our collective grandchildren....they are down there and we are up here. When Steve leaves on trips in winter it is absolutely, positively, 100% guaranteed that it will snow and not just a skiff but feet will fall in a short period of time.

We spent Thanksgiving alone. Steve is gone. It is dumping buckets of snow at the moment. There are boxes stacked up by the door to take to the post office so our family will know we love and think about them every day. Steve will have to drive home in this mess and I will be a nervous wreck until I hear the garage door go up.

So, I apologize ahead of time for what will probably be a long winter of whine. I promised last year to not whine as much. I obviously broke that promise, so I won't even bother making it again.

I took this at noon. The Bambi's need to start moving toward the lake where they will have a better choice of food rather than sunflower seed raids at the squirrel feeders.

Taken a few minutes ago as Steve made the first pass with the walk behind snow thrower.

I put my boot in the snow and never hit the was over my boot top and still going. Then I dropped a ruler into the snow and it was slowly sinking. The snow has stopped at the moment, but an arctic blast is on the way bringing below freezing temps and wind. Nice. There are weather alerts on the local news and we are being told to prepare for power outages. Nicer. Nothing like not being able to flush toilets to usher in winter.


Mom said...

Winter can be beautiful, but all that beauty needs to be shared. Don't worry about whining. That's what your friends are here for. I love reading about your Idaho winter. I am amazed that people live there in all that cold.

jan said...

You have every right to whine. Blogs are to express your feelings, not to pretend to be what you are not. Besides your whining is most entertaining. hehe

Miss Healthypants said...

Hell, I whine about winter more than most people--so go on, whine away! *grin* I'm glad that at least you live in a place that you like...sorry so many in your family aren't there with you, though!

And I know what you mean about whenever Steve has to travel--it's Murphy's Law that whenever Iwanski & I have to travel up to Wisconsin in the winter, it always snows, rains, sleets, and/or is unbelievably windy. It's wonderful.

By the way, that pic of the deer is too cool! At least there you're surrounded by nature--so you're not truly alone! :)

Plus you have all of your wonderful blog buddies, who love you and love to read what you're thinking/feeling...whether it's laughing or crying or whining...bring it on!! :)

P.S. I have a story about Santas that I just posted, that just might cheer you up a bit--check it out! *grin* Oh, and Iwanski also posted some cat photos that are sure to bring a smile to your face--at *smiles*

Evil Twin's Wife said...

You could be snowbunnies and head South for the winter. That's what I'd do! All I know, is that I can't stand WV winters and we don't have it nearly as bad as you guys do. Hang in there!! :-)

kenju said...

Rosemary, you whine all you want to - that is what we're here for - to help you get through it. I said it before; I couldn't live where you do for a minute.

Sling said...

What's the point of blogging if ya can't piss and moan from time to time?..
Being away from family,especially during the holidays,is a bummer.

sageweb said...

I don't mind if you whine..I whine when it gets below 70F...
But those pictures!! OMG I wouldn't be whining I would be screaming at the top of my lungs.

Kimberly Ann said...

Whine, kvetch, complain, grumble, grunt - whatever you feel like. We'll keep on reading.

more cowbell said...

Oh honey please -- I bitch about winter, and mostly all I have to put up is rain, mildew, and endless darkness. (See? Bitching already.) Ditto Jan: a blog is the place to whine. Save the brave front for the folks in your neighborhood. We all cyber-whine, it helps with the sanity.

I haven't seen my parents in 3 years, and my younger two children haven't seen my parents in ... god, I guess it's been 6 years? I told Teen Demon we could go this year for xmas, but then the economy tanked, and I had to put a new roof on, and well, there went that plan. Plane fare for 4 is prohibitive for a single mom. Anyway, it's hard being away from family. I live in dread of the day mine really grow up, as in not coming home on breaks from college any more.

You don't have to put on the smiling face here, Rosemary. Besides ... I feel so much better if I'm not the only one whining about winter. Solidarity, sister.

Middle Child said...

I feel the same about high summer because its so hot here and all sorts of things go wring...Don mbeen in a wheelchair but he seemed to be able to sort things out...and I felt i know what you mean. treasure him when he is there...