There's rosemary, that's for remembrance.
William Shakespeare: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark



Thursday, June 03, 2010

The dream

For three nights in a row I have had a dream about the house.

Before the dreams: I lived in the house in the mid 60's. The house always seemed out of place....it was in South Alhambra; I was a South side girl. The house belonged in North Alhambra. It was a Craftsman design; designed for beauty.....stained glass on the front door and a porch that spread along the entire front of the place. There I was....this young mother with two toddlers, standing in the living room of a house that made me feel like I was about to be given the gift and responsibility of loving and caring for the house.

The house was a rental. I never knew or saw the owner; the rent was paid through an agency. When I first walked through the house I was amazed that the owner would surrender the house to a stranger. The rent was so low I thought a mistake had been made with the quote. I wanted to live in the house the. moment. I. walked. through. the. door. I wanted to sweep the floors, clean the claw footed tub, sit on the back steps and watch the kids play in the yard.

If I close my eyes I can walk through the house room by room. There were built in cabinets with stained glass, gleaming hardwood floors, a brick fireplace, windows in groups of four, that claw footed tub and so much more. My favorite room in the house was the kitchen. There were cupboards everywhere with snap latches, a walk in pantry and soapstone counter tops sloped just perfectly on the sides of the farm sink. I didn't want curtains at the windows because there was wide, dark wood molding around all of them; curtains would have made the windows just average.

I did clean that house; every day. I did take baths in that tub and I did sit on the back steps and on the front porch and watch my children play. Why did I leave. The unseen owner died and the house was sold....in a heartbeat.

Two years ago when were were in California I made Steve drive by the house. At first I thought we were on the wrong street....the house was on Edgewood; we were on Edgewood. And then there it was....the house. It had been stuccoed, the porch had been re-done, the door replaced and there was an apartment above the detached garage. The house as far as I was concerned was gone.

In the dreams; today: The house is exactly as it was when I lived there. It is perfect, cozy, it talks to me. But it isn't in Alhambra; it's on the East Coast. The house is on a dirt and rock lane; a lane far away from the neighbors. There are fruit trees and rose bushes in the front and a vegetable garden in the back yard. I can see the garden when the kids are playing. There are no children, however. There is just me, old and gray; exactly as I am right at this moment. I ride my blue bicycle into the little hamlet where the house lives. I buy groceries. But, I can't get back to the house. I am lost. When I finally find the house and try to go into the kitchen through the back screen door a man confronts me. The man isn't Steve. The house isn't really mine.  I am crying when I wake up. The dream has been exactly the same every night.

I think I know what is prompting the dream. Steve and I will have been married 25 years this October. We have talked about taking a trip to the New England States. I have never been to that part of the country. I want to go to the Shaker Community in Maine, I want to see the New England countryside with  farmhouses like the ones I see in magazines, I want to walk through those out of the way small towns and say hello to everyone I meet. I want to go to the New England States with Steve.  I think the house is there now. I think it is waiting for us to find it.

13 comments:

kenju said...

I hope you get to go there and I hope you find that house!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Wouldn't that be cool to find that house? I have a weird house dream too, only it's my parents' house. Suddenly, they are alive and wondering why I sold their house...it makes me sad.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

i think i saw that same house in west.

FoxyMoron said...

I wonder what that dream means? We have always rented and I have different attachments to different houses but when I dream, often the houses are bits and pieces of each other.

Jennie said...

I love it too, just from your description!

Barb said...

Sometimes dreams come when you eat sweets before bedtime? Are you eating those Bliss chocolates again????

Miss Healthypants said...

Wow, what a dream...I love trying to figure out what my dreams mean, too. Whenever I get really stressed & busy, I dream about being in my childhood home during a tornado, trying frantically to get the whole family to go into the basement.

I'm sure dream dictionaries mention what "houses" in dreams symbolize.

Miss Healthypants said...

P.S. Get yourself a blender & some fruit & make you a smoothie, lady!! *grin* (I just commented back to you on my blog.)

Mom said...

I'm pretty sure that house is just down the street from me. I think you and Steve belong in a wonderful house just down the street from me. We could ride our bikes to each others homes and have tea - or even a lovely fruit smoothie.

madretz said...

I'm so pissed they stucco'd your beautiful craftsman home!!! My very favorite style. How dare they and how could they??? If I'm so upset, I can imagine how upset you must have been. I'm glad you have the wonderful memories and that you've written them down, not just for you, but for you kiddos, even if they were just toddlers when you lived there. I was only 4 when we moved out of my 1st home and though my memories are mostly spurred by photos, I'm glad I have them.

Shammickite said...

When you go to New England looking for that house, make sure you come back through Canada and come to visit.

Middle Child said...

I understand - I have a little house I feel the angels have tucked away for us...all unchanged...left suddenly at the most happiest carefree tme in our little family;'s time - In woke in the mornning and the world was wonderful -by nighttime Don had broken his neck and I walked away from the house to the city hospital never to return - I can see every inch of that house...
unsure what your dream means, maybe just helping you sort out past events while you sleep -

more cowbell said...

I've had 4 types of recurring dreams over my life:

falling from great heights - I learned how fly in my dreams. Lucid dreaming? I don't know, but thankgoddess, those dreams scared the shit out of me.

some guy chasing me, attacking me - I learned, through an old boyfriend, how to confront the guy in my dream ... I haven't dreamed it since. That was more than 12 years ago.

tornado dreams - when I'm feeling overwhelmed and out of control. I usually have to rescue children or my mom or grandma or people who for some reason can't save themselves.

house dreams - when I'm feeling hopeful, looking toward a next step, ready for a next step in life ... just sayin'.