There's rosemary, that's for remembrance.
William Shakespeare: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark



Monday, August 15, 2011

I know what it means now

I got a call this morning that I never heard....there was a message left that I didn't get until about an hour ago.  My cousin Gerri had called to tell me her brother, my cousin Sam, had passed away this morning.

I have few adult memories of Sam. He lived in Virginia and I was in So Cal and Idaho. I visited once a number of years back and we had dinner, but the awkwardness of shared childhood memories, spouses there that would need long explanations and the public place hindered any real bonding. I was closer to Gerri...by phone admittedly, but as a result of our calls I kept up with Sam's doings.

I spent every single summer with Sam and Gerri until 1961. Sam was all boy; fishing, gigging for frogs and lobster trapping with our dads. Sam was on the cusp of manhood that last summer; driving his old Rambler all over town and graciously taking me along on his adventures a lot.

The last time I talked to Gerri I shared a comment Sam had made on my Facebook page about having a heart attack and stent placement and how he never bothered with rehab and ate what he wanted. Gerri told me that after Sam's wife died he just sort of died a little each day too. He loved his daughters and family but his zest for life was fading. He had broken his leg, was diabetic,  had several surgeries recently and it just got worse from there.

I'll miss Sammy...not the man so much but the boy I knew.....that hearty laugh, the soft Virginia drawl I wanted to copy so badly, remembering the three of us sprawled out by the front door trying to catch a breeze so we could sleep, his frank comments to me that hot summer of '61.  Gerri was pregnant  and I told Sam I wished I was having a baby too...he almost screamed and said: Are you damn crazy girl? Look at her; she's as big as Momma and Daddy's house!"
 
After talking to Gerri about all that Sammy had been through in the past and recently, I finally think I know what Rest In Peace means....Sammy deserves it. 

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Really?

I'll get right to the point.

Its' been a year since the "event." Yup, a year since I had a heart attack.  I MADE IT TO A YEAR!!!!

I have researched and researched and Steve has done even more research about longevity after the kind of heart attack I had with stenting and there really isn't much info out there. But, a year after anything is a landmark, right?

I'm 26 pounds lighter, can max out the incline on two treadmills at a pace of 4.1, have decided to hate the recumbent bike this month, am almost at 6 minutes on the stair climber and can swallow an entire serving of fish. I am proud of all of these achievements. I have had some help....Steve is the best support ever and I can't overlook the following: Plavix, Cozaar, Metropolol, Hydrochlorthiazide, Simvastatin, Advair, and Aspirin. Onward to year two!

Now, if I could just get Mimi Louise to hit the litter box rather than potty with her front feet in the litter box and her butt outside of it life would be perfect!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Huh??

I have a question, or maybe a wondering, or maybe I am just a little more than weird.

I was reading a fellow blogger/Facebooker's comment on his 40# weight loss and a recurrent thought went through my mind.

I know I have lost 25 pounds. I can see it in my face, feel my ribs, I have collar bones I can see and touch and I wear a size 4 jeans (and a size 10 dress....how does that calculation come about?). But, I still think I am 140 pounds, still feel like I have a bigger body and wonder when I go to bed if I am going to wake up my old heavier self. While I may fit in those new jeans they don't fit in my brain. It's sort of like if I splurge and eat a doughnut those 25#'s are going to reappear in an hour.

I exercise every day, I am following my diet faithfully, take my meds on time twice a day, go to rehab every Wednesday, my labs are great....I am doing what I am supposed to do but I am also waiting for those shoes to drop and at the moment of that thudding noise I'm not Cinderella anymore.

What's up with all of this weirdness?

Sunday, March 13, 2011

I can't swim but I'll wear a life vest.....

20 years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.    Twain

I hope I have 20 more years.  However much time I do have I need to get that  sailboat ready now.  Thank you Delci for sending this to me.



Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Going downstairs



I remember a time when I had to post a blog every day. I took on blogging like I do everything else.....obsessively and compulsively. Guess I had a lot to say then; lots of words needed to be written. Not so much now; maybe I have said all I need to say.

My life has changed. Having a heart attack has defined my every day. While I won't say it was a blessing to have gone through all that I did seven months ago, it brought front and center what is important in my life and that is my family, my amazing, wonderful husband and waking up every morning and having another chance to enjoy life.

I have said this too many times but I started blogging so my children would know me better, know about my childhood and life before there were kids. But I would much rather talk to them than write to them. I looked back through some of my old posts and they were empty; just mental meanderings of day to day stuff that said nothing about me at all other than I hated winter when Steve was gone, spent too much time talking to cats, dogs, squirrels and bambis and my forest was stunning in photos. So, Rosemary's Attic sort of needs to be swept, some things put in boxes and stored and maybe left alone to gather a little of life's dust for a while. I won't abandon it but I will step back and take a harder look at what I have written and think more before I write in the future.

So, here is my definition now: I exercise every day for at least 40 minutes. I eat bananas, apples, raisins, wheat and grains (even sticky oatmeal!) and fish. My back rarely hurts anymore, I listen to my heart beating every night before I fall asleep. I tell Steve I love him every time I look at him, I still clean like a weirdo but I take my time and enjoy moving the vacuum around and think about how it has helped me stay strong, I read my power thought cards and spend at least 10 minutes alone every day and just try to quiet my mind. I have lost 22 pounds, gone through two drug reaction episodes and come out OK, passed my nuclear scan, kept my lab results in great shape and together Steve and I have weathered a job loss, near financial ruin, a Medicare doughnut hole with my medications, the loss of my beloved cat Fuzz, rescued yet another feral cat that is currently living in the pole building, we are surviving another record making snowy winter AND I'M ALIVE!!!

I will continue to roam through Facebook although I really don't "get" that site, and I still read my blogger friends posts, I just don't comment. And best of all....I am going to be a great-grandmother twice this year. Christopher and Penelope are having a baby girl Adele and John and Laura are having James.

I am happy, blessed and loved.