There's rosemary, that's for remembrance.
William Shakespeare: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark



Monday, March 21, 2011

Huh??

I have a question, or maybe a wondering, or maybe I am just a little more than weird.

I was reading a fellow blogger/Facebooker's comment on his 40# weight loss and a recurrent thought went through my mind.

I know I have lost 25 pounds. I can see it in my face, feel my ribs, I have collar bones I can see and touch and I wear a size 4 jeans (and a size 10 dress....how does that calculation come about?). But, I still think I am 140 pounds, still feel like I have a bigger body and wonder when I go to bed if I am going to wake up my old heavier self. While I may fit in those new jeans they don't fit in my brain. It's sort of like if I splurge and eat a doughnut those 25#'s are going to reappear in an hour.

I exercise every day, I am following my diet faithfully, take my meds on time twice a day, go to rehab every Wednesday, my labs are great....I am doing what I am supposed to do but I am also waiting for those shoes to drop and at the moment of that thudding noise I'm not Cinderella anymore.

What's up with all of this weirdness?

11 comments:

kenju said...

I think, under the circumstances, that's normal. Fear and anxiety lie just under the surface. However, if you have made that much of a change in yourself - please accept my congratulations and pat yourself on the back everyday!! And quit looking for the ax to fall. It won't.

Jennie said...

OWN IT!!!

FoxyMoron said...

Wow to you, what a great achievement. I lost 33kg a few years back and it's amazing how it can mess with your head. I did gain some of it back but learned so much from the process that I am at a comfortable weight now without obsessing about it all the time.

Shammickite said...

Weird? That's not weird. It's quite normal. Just be happy that you have made that change, and it's a very good change, and you're going to enjoy being that changed person!

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

if I can look at myself after all these years and be surprised because I don't look like I did 30 years ago it makes sense you would still think your going to wake up 40 pounds heavier..just enjoy it.

Jan said...

I had my one and only growth spurt at 10 years old and weighed 10 pounds more than I do now.

I have never gotten over feeling like such an awkward instant giant even after all these years. I don't obsess about weight, but I'm conscious of it.

Middle Child said...

Gee - take care - just be easy on yourself please - and it will all work out

more cowbell said...

it's hard for the mind to adjust to your new physical reality, especially if that's been reality for years. I lost a bunch of weight after my divorce in the mid-90s, and it took forever until I didn't feel like or see myself as a fat girl. Gained weight again after moving to Seattle 12 years later, and oddly, it also took a while for me to mentally realize I was, indeed, a fat girl again. As you know, I lost it again last year, and this time my "thinner self" came back to mind much more quickly ... almost as though that fat girl were just a temporary interloper, brought on by the dark and rain while I was hiding under my blanket, and my real self is finally back.

Your mind will make the adjustment, it just takes time ... it's almost like you can't quite believe you did it, you can't quite believe you really look different. But you did, and you do, and your brain will fit in soon enough. You rock!

Cazzie!!! said...

more cowbell summed up exactly what I was going to say in their last paragraph... you do rock :)

Middle Child said...

Will ye no come back again???

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