There's rosemary, that's for remembrance.
William Shakespeare: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark



Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Going downstairs



I remember a time when I had to post a blog every day. I took on blogging like I do everything else.....obsessively and compulsively. Guess I had a lot to say then; lots of words needed to be written. Not so much now; maybe I have said all I need to say.

My life has changed. Having a heart attack has defined my every day. While I won't say it was a blessing to have gone through all that I did seven months ago, it brought front and center what is important in my life and that is my family, my amazing, wonderful husband and waking up every morning and having another chance to enjoy life.

I have said this too many times but I started blogging so my children would know me better, know about my childhood and life before there were kids. But I would much rather talk to them than write to them. I looked back through some of my old posts and they were empty; just mental meanderings of day to day stuff that said nothing about me at all other than I hated winter when Steve was gone, spent too much time talking to cats, dogs, squirrels and bambis and my forest was stunning in photos. So, Rosemary's Attic sort of needs to be swept, some things put in boxes and stored and maybe left alone to gather a little of life's dust for a while. I won't abandon it but I will step back and take a harder look at what I have written and think more before I write in the future.

So, here is my definition now: I exercise every day for at least 40 minutes. I eat bananas, apples, raisins, wheat and grains (even sticky oatmeal!) and fish. My back rarely hurts anymore, I listen to my heart beating every night before I fall asleep. I tell Steve I love him every time I look at him, I still clean like a weirdo but I take my time and enjoy moving the vacuum around and think about how it has helped me stay strong, I read my power thought cards and spend at least 10 minutes alone every day and just try to quiet my mind. I have lost 22 pounds, gone through two drug reaction episodes and come out OK, passed my nuclear scan, kept my lab results in great shape and together Steve and I have weathered a job loss, near financial ruin, a Medicare doughnut hole with my medications, the loss of my beloved cat Fuzz, rescued yet another feral cat that is currently living in the pole building, we are surviving another record making snowy winter AND I'M ALIVE!!!

I will continue to roam through Facebook although I really don't "get" that site, and I still read my blogger friends posts, I just don't comment. And best of all....I am going to be a great-grandmother twice this year. Christopher and Penelope are having a baby girl Adele and John and Laura are having James.

I am happy, blessed and loved.