There's rosemary, that's for remembrance.
William Shakespeare: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark

Monday, July 16, 2012

Loving a cat can mend a wounded heart. Mimi's miaow soothed mine for sure. Her little face caught my tears. She passed away at home today.

Sunday, July 08, 2012

Losing a miaow

What is it about my cats? They ignore me, get fur all over the furniture, scratch me with their claws and yet somehow have managed to wrap themselves around my scarred heart like a big red valentine with LOVE written all over it.

 I have had nine cats since 1982. The day before I got my first cat Babie, I would have said I didn't like cats. Now....they are my sweet babies and I can't imagine my life without several little (or big) fur balls.

My Mimi Louise is dying. She has bowel and kidney cancer and her lymph nodes are involved. Mimi is 15. She is crabby, sweet, lazy, aloof, scared of Izzy, feisty and a liar. She promised me on my heart after Fuzzy, her brother, died that she would be around forever. Yes, we talk to each other. Of all my cats Mimi has been the most vocal. She starts conversations and answers me when I talk to her. I truly believe she understands what I say and knows when I am upset and need a kitty kiss or encouraging miaow. I love her beyond words. I hate seeing her the way she is now....pottying outside the box and being embarrassed, falling over or just sitting down because she is so tired. She has lost 4 pounds in 2 months....this the cat that has been on a diet since she was one. At one point she was over 25 much over we don't know because the kitty scale topped out at 25.

 I had lost my boy kitty, Magic, the year before Mimi was born. A girl at work had a Siamese that had escaped the house and came back pregnant so a litter was available. Three babies were Siamese that had dibs on her right away....a boy Fuzzy that I had asked for before they were born.....and Mimi. No one wanted Mimi. She was just a "plain tabby" according to her then owner. When I went to pick up Fuzz he was napping with Mimi and I fell in love with her then.  Yup, she was a tabby alright....but, she had ticked fur with orange tips and green eyes....she was beautiful to me.

 Mimi is my last So Cal kitty. She bounced along with us in the RV when we moved to Idaho in 1998. I guess of all my cats I thought she had the least chance of living a long life because of her weight. She was one of the first cats at our vet office to go on a special weight loss diet food. We tried getting her to be more active. She was the first guinea kitty to have a harness and leash for walks. She revolted every time we tried to take her outside and would flatten herself on the garage floor and refuse to move. She lived for the occasional kitty snack, would give her best try to jump onto the counter where the other cat food was so she could steal some....but never succeeded. All she ever wanted to do was eat, nap, potty and get an occasional hug on her terms. Instead she was relegated to 1/3 cup of food spread throughout the day and teasing from anyone who saw her. No wonder that she smacked everyone from family to friends to workers. Now, when she can eat whatever she wants she isn't hungry.

We have to make a decision soon. I hate doing this. I can't imagine not having her here. Steve is devastated and even Izzy the terrorist has stopped chasing her. I love you Mims, Mimila, Moo, my sweet, wonderful Mimi Louise.

I use a photo of Mimi as my profile picture and she has a page located on my Facebook home page.  She could have been a Vogue model....yes she could. 

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Another Mother's Day. It's just Sunday really. Yup, feeling sorry for myself. No Kids here, no grand kids either and I still have one great-grand child I haven't met. My fault. I moved to Idaho; no one forced me. It's just that we had plans and things were different before the gigantic recession....more visits to So Cal, more kids here, more of everything family so I wouldn't feel like this every time a special day rolled around. Oh, poor me.

My mother. I miss her...not every day, not just on Mother's Day...but I miss her a lot. I miss those few times we actually had fun together, seeing her with my kids when they were small, giving her gifts, feeling the comfort of my childhood home and the wonderful taste of her Italian cooking. I wasn't really close to my mom. She was as difficult to love as I am. She wasn't a hugger or mommy-kiss-and-make-it-better woman. I can only remember 2 times she told me she loved me and both of those times were when she was dying. But, when I was a kid she was my movie star. She had thick, fierce black hair, wore deep red lipstick, was full figured, and could dress like she was ready for a fashion show. She smelled like Avon. Today I miss her....a lot.

 I have tried to be a different mother than mine....not the nicest thing to say I guess. But, I am a hugger, a kisser, a crier, a misser of my kids of all generations. It took a while for me to become the mother I should have been, but I hope being a late bloomer is OK with my kids because I love and miss them every single day all day long.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Muddied Crystal Clear Thoughts

I plan on living a long, long time.....heart stuff listen up!  I am going to see my grandchildren and great grandchildren become the people I know they will be and that is nothing short of wonderful humans. The story I am going to tell will make you want to comment (if anyone reads this anymore) stuff like stop that and buck up, think positively, get over it....whatever.  But, facts are facts and I am at a point in my life where "things" need to be taken care of and my affairs need to be in order. I'm not morose, sad or fatalistic....I'm honest. Steve and I both know I will probably die first.

Last year when I was in monitored cardiac rehab (versus maintenance like I am now without a monitor) I met a guy that had a heart attack and stents like me. His wife came with him every session and they would both be dressed in WalMart tan and blue and no, at that point, I had never seen either one of them in WalMart. He was and still is an ill tempered man, she was/is a happy spirit. They attended classes with Steve and me and he balked at every single suggestion, lesson and fact. He was not giving up coffee, was going to eat what he wanted, eventually dropped out of rehab because he was going to buy a bike, and his most ridiculous statement was that he already had a heart attack and why was he taking all of those pills if they weren't going to fix everything.

His wife was the polar opposite saying she would see to it he followed all the rules and was going to buy that bike herself and make him exercise. She was changing her lifestyle and he would too. We talked off and on and I liked her. Of course after he left rehab we saw them all of the time at WalMart; just saw them last Wednesday.

Right around Christmas time we went shopping for last minute dinner things. The wife was at the greeter station sitting on one of those fancy walkers, basket, hand brakes...all the bells and whistles. I went over to talk to her like I always did and asked if she had fallen or broken something. With horribly slurred speech she told me...with a smile....that she had been diagnosed with an aggressive form of ALS, but Walmart was going to keep her employed and working as the official greeter. I was stunned. She was like sunshine in summer. Each time I have seen her after that she has been a little less vocal and always sitting on that walker. But, she still has that radiant smile. We see her husband all of the time too....he is still Grumpy, The Grinch, Mr. Rain Cloud.

Last Friday Steve took me out to a movie and dinner.....senior discount at the movies and Subway for a healthy Februany $5.00 foot long. When we walked in guess who was in a booth.....yup, there they were. We ordered our meal to go....sandwiches only no chips or soda.....and on the way out we stopped to quickly say hello. There was Grumpy tearing small pieces off of her sandwich and putting them in her almost floppy, tremulous fingers so she could chew and swallow easier.....and as we went out the door with the picture of them in my mind I thought....what will Steve do without me. Telepathy. Steve said I know what you are thinking and I don't know how I will manage......and he hugged me.

Did I mention we went to a seminar on Revocable Living Trusts?