There's rosemary, that's for remembrance.
William Shakespeare: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Another Mother's Day. It's just Sunday really. Yup, feeling sorry for myself. No Kids here, no grand kids either and I still have one great-grand child I haven't met. My fault. I moved to Idaho; no one forced me. It's just that we had plans and things were different before the gigantic recession....more visits to So Cal, more kids here, more of everything family so I wouldn't feel like this every time a special day rolled around. Oh, poor me.

My mother. I miss her...not every day, not just on Mother's Day...but I miss her a lot. I miss those few times we actually had fun together, seeing her with my kids when they were small, giving her gifts, feeling the comfort of my childhood home and the wonderful taste of her Italian cooking. I wasn't really close to my mom. She was as difficult to love as I am. She wasn't a hugger or mommy-kiss-and-make-it-better woman. I can only remember 2 times she told me she loved me and both of those times were when she was dying. But, when I was a kid she was my movie star. She had thick, fierce black hair, wore deep red lipstick, was full figured, and could dress like she was ready for a fashion show. She smelled like Avon. Today I miss her....a lot.

 I have tried to be a different mother than mine....not the nicest thing to say I guess. But, I am a hugger, a kisser, a crier, a misser of my kids of all generations. It took a while for me to become the mother I should have been, but I hope being a late bloomer is OK with my kids because I love and miss them every single day all day long.