There's rosemary, that's for remembrance.
William Shakespeare: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark

Friday, August 21, 2015


Buttons.  Get it...So (sew) buttons.  I heard that on a TV show.

I was up early today; had a big appointment with a 3D machine.  I showered; no lotion, deodorant or perfume.  I arrived at 8:25 AM for an 8:30 check in and an 8:45 appointment to have a bilateral diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound for a left breast lump.  They ushered me to the back right at 8:45.

The Women's' Imaging Center is brand new at our local building, new machines, new everything.  Very fancy.  A 3D mammo still requires 6.3 pounds of pressure with your breast smashed between two clear plastic plates, but the machine ticks around the plates and takes the images that are immediately on the technician screen and then sent to the IN HOUSE RADIOLOGIST.....wheeee, thank you dear Lord.  The radiologist read the mammo and said do the ultrasound.

Brand new ultrasound machine, said Nancy, the tech.  And.....let the ultrasound begin.  Nancy had a hell of a time finding said lump.  Left breast lump had a little sticker left over from the mammo and she marked it with a pen, but it was playing hide and seek and then, boom.....there it was. Click, click over and over and then Nancy went to show her fine results to the IN HOUSE RADIOLOGIST!

I know anyone that might read this skipped over all of my humorous stuff and is gonna read what comes away.

The IN HOUSE RADIOLOGIST does not know what my lump is. Get didn't show up on the mammo...nope, not at all.  It isn't indicative of a cyst normally found in breast tissue, it might be indicative of a cancer, but probably not, it might be something like a skin cyst....a sebaceous cyst, but maybe not.  He has no clue what it is.  He felt it, he sees it on ultra clue.  He would normally do a needle biopsy right then and there, but the type of lump he "needles" are not close to the surface like mine and the needles he has are too big.  I need to see my primary doc and get a referral to a surgeon that is a breast specialist. 

So, today is all buttoned up as far as boobs go.

We were approved for the HELOC after we jumped through the first ring of fire.  There will be several more to tackle.  Our daughter (Steve's Stephanie) got through surgery fine and our other daughter (my Christine)  goes under the knife next Thursday.  I see my primary doc next Wednesday at 1 for an exam and referral. I haven't told any of the kids about this boob adventure....they have enough to worry about day to day without adding mom to the list. No, they don't read my blog.  I got through the heart attack without them here and this could be a piece of cake or at least a mounds bar compared to that.  Steve, on the other hand, was a bigger puddle than I expected.  I asked the IN HOUSE RADIOLOGIST to please explain the results to him and he was OK until we got in the truck.  Then after we were done cruising around the market he stopped in the parking lot mid loading the truck of fresh stuff and just hugged me and snorted on my shoulder.  I waited until we got home to cry.  I see my cardiologist early October unless I have something other than just an easy peasy little lump removal.  So my social calendar is full folks; no invitations to wine tasting or lake cruises , please.

Did I mention I fell in WalMart Wednesday......I did.  There was a clear, little, quarter sized plastic water bottle cap that someone generously dropped or tossed in a main aisle. My right foot hit it just right and I totally splatted on the floor landing on my left knee and arm.  I was pissed and embarrassed all at the same time.  Nothing broken or badly injured, but I made the 12 year old manager fill out a ream of paperwork anyway just to be a bitch. 

On a really wonderful note, the 19 year old guy across the street is volunteering and fighting some of our 80 fires on his 2 days off....Wednesday and Thursday. 

I'm off to bigger and better things today....not sure what other than cleaning the litter boxes and hugging Steve a little tighter......but, that is the wonder of retirement....nothing to do!

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

I prefer two

Here are a few things I know for sure.....frozen pizza does not taste like delivery, women sweat just like men, turkey crap when dry is light like brown cheese puffs, deer are nasty to each other, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, and I love being alone in the forest. The forest has replaced vacuuming as the best place for me to problem solve. Don't get me wrong....I still vacuum every day, but I walk in the forest every day too. While my problems have decreased significantly in the last five years, things pop up every now and then and tamaracks and hemlocks are the best listeners.

Five years filled with my heart beating 24/7, three great grandchildren, the kindest husband in the world (actually, he is a saint), sweet kitties and barking doggies......what could be a problem, huh?  Well, there was the foot issue, some money problems, the bike crash, the neck thing, and yesterday.

I really don't like Mondays in general.  Saturday and Sunday are no exercise days and I really enjoy not treadmilling and ellipticaling.  I have to get up at 5 on weekdays when it is hot to exercise early and that makes me cranky.  Yesterday it was hot and humid, thunderstorms were coming and with the lightening comes the threat of fires....I am afraid of fires.  I had cleaned the carpets Sunday and the whole vacuuming thing was a pain in the ass for some reason.  Add to that I hadn't taken my walk in the forest.   I was sweaty and sticky and when I got in the shower it was like standing in heaven.  I felt a lump in my left breast.

That's a really fast way to ruin a nice, much needed shower. Did I really feel that?  I felt again.....yup, there it is. Where did that come from?  Just like that it's there?   Over the course of the day I felt it oh, probably 25 times. I stupidly waited to tell Steve, it was too late to see the doc but, I finally called and asked the office to send the hospital an order for my annual mammogram that was last done in March 2013.  The office nurse asked if I wanted to come in and have it, just send the order.  When I called the Women's Imaging Center at 8:30 this morning I was told that the order was there, but it was for the wrong thing.......I needed an order for a bilateral diagnostic and ultra sound with lump in left breast.  Called the doc again, order will be sent this afternoon, called the Imaging Center back and the earliest I can get in is the 21st. 

Five years. I have gotten through a heart attack, 3 stents, a bike crash that caused me to bleed like I had amputated my arms, had my neck so jacked up that I couldn't hold my head straight, my feet hurt all of the time, I bruise if someone looks at me sideways, I take enough meds to cure heart disease in a small country, and now a fucking lump in my breast. 

I have been through the call backs after a mammogram.....they are annoying and scare the crap out of me....but, this is different for some reason.  The lump is still there.  Did I really think it was going to go away overnight? 

I don't know how to end this......I have to wait until the 21st and that is a Friday, then wait for the results and then what?  I have to wait.  In the meantime I'm gonna try talking to a Ponderosa Pine; see if that helps.