There's rosemary, that's for remembrance.
William Shakespeare: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark



Wednesday, January 06, 2016

Waiting

Here I sit waiting for Steve to go through yet another MRI.  I'm worried about him in general.  He is overweight....again....because he can't exercise without pain and he won't change his diet.  After I had my heart attack he was doing great.  We exercised together, rode our bikes in good weather, walked the trails and he was happy. Then last year everything changed.  I want my old Steve back.  Added to this.......


His cousin, Jeanie, is dying.  This is no run of the mill cousin.  This was Steve's best buddy, best girl cousin, his get into fun trouble cousin, the first person he told he loved me was Jeanie. I love Jeanie. She is the coolest person ever.  She has a gypsy soul, wanderlust, and is a true 60's free spirit.  Until she went into hospice care she kept her hair bright red, dressed in gauzy skirts and peasant blouses, wore as much silver jewelry as she could cram on to her arms, fingers, ears and neck and always...and I mean always....wore red cowboy boots.  She carried her look beautifully, never looked gaudy or eccentric.....she looked like a fuck-you-I-am-a-kick-ass-redhead and you'd better get out of my way. That's all over.  She has days left, her husband is talking about the movie The Notebook, and the family has gathered.  She wants all of us to get together at the river by her home in Montana this summer, at least be barefooted or naked if we want to, and put her ashes in a special paper box she has picked out and let her float away.  I can't imagine being without Jeanie, and Steve is mourning......deeply.  

We have talked seriously about getting our affairs in order....finally......and talked to the vet when we took Emma in for her lab work yesterday.  All of our possessions and bills aside......and the shit pile of Steve's "inventory".......our biggest concern is what will happen to the dogs and cats.  Violet is old and not healthy, Petey is depressed and submissive, Wesley is a forever puppy.  Emma and Guido can't be separated and of course Emma has special needs, and Izzy needs to be an only child.  Who would want this menagerie? No one.  The vet said we could put instructions in whatever we have in place....a will or trust.....to contact her and she will help should we both be gone, but we are both worried the pets will outlive us.  For all of my wanting kittens, at this point in my life to bring in any other pets would be irresponsible.  

So, here I sit.  Thankfully, I'm  alone in the waiting room because just thinking about all of this is making me cry......but, what else did anyone expect?  You can always count on me to write something like this, right?  Every group needs a Rosemary. 

11 comments:

JACKIESUE said...

my heart is breaking..I love you two so much..wish there was something I could do..if nothing else give you a big ass hug..

booda baby said...

Yes. Every group DOES need a Rosemary. And I think you're undervaluing your signature gloomy take on things. Vastly. You're pretty clear and occasionally precise on your reasons and the gloom is legitimate. But the same clear and real reasons makes it easy for others to find an alternative way of seeing things, an alternative course of action. You know. An alternative.

So there.

Auld Hat said...

I hope for peaceful passing of your loved one. And I hope that you look responsible logic in the eye and show it your new kitten.

jp said...

Your affairs will be in whatever order they need to be in when they need to be that way. (Yes, I am extremely profound.) Sending love

Mom said...

Thank you for sharing this.You were so blessed to have sweet Jeannie in your life. The tears are the price of loving. I am so glad you are one of my circle of friends,

Syd of the Funny Hat said...

***hugs Rosemary***

more cowbell said...

Hugs from down here, too. How difficult. I would completely be crying in the waiting room, too. Please don't ever feel apologetic for your writings. This is where you can say it, and we do need our Rosemary. A lot of what you write I can really relate to, or at least feel. (Hello, anxious worrier here.) You feel things deeply and you love people and you miss people and you wish you could be with them more, if not for the stupid, idiotic invention called money which is required to spend time with faraway people even if you don't give two shits about it. I so feel you.

Here's to Jeanie, her life, her effect on those in her life, and to a peaceful passing with those who love her. Un abrazo fuerte.

rosemary said...

Jeanie passed away late yesterday afternoon. In the mail arrived a Christmas gift for me from her with a note. Inside were earrings....silver with 3 clear stones....just beautiful. The note said......Someone gave me these. I hope you don't mind me re-gifting. They're too classy for me, but not for you. Love, Jeanie

My name WAS Female, I shit you not! said...

(((hugs)))

Shammickite said...

Rosemary! We were in blogger touch a long time ago, and then you decided to stop blogging. Noce to see you back in blogland, not quite sure how I found you again. Best wishes to Steve.... he's in good hands, I hope.

kenju said...

What a bittersweet moment - getting the earrings from the newly deceased - but what a treasure to have.

I share your thoughts about what will happen to the animals. True, we only have one, but she is a handful and no one in my family is likely to take her if we should die.

I hope that Steve will decide to do something about his weight and manage to exercise. I'm one to talk, though, since I have not been to the gym since early November.